When we wed, we expect marriage to make us feel safe and secure. This is a beautiful concept, but we are never really safe from one of us having a change of heart. Just because we have voiced a commitment to each other, it doesn’t mean we are protected from being abandoned or from falling out of love. What keeps marriages or committed relationships strong and connected is not a marriage certificate or the simple fact that we have taken vows.

Think back to those vows. When we promised to love each other “’til death do us part,” did we really mean that, or is it more like, “I will love you as long as you love me back as your romantic partner?” Perhaps a better intention would have been, “I love you, and I promise to give you my best and do the work with you to help each other to grow and to stay connected”