One of the most important qualities to develop in a relationship is self-reflection.
If each member in the relationship adopts the behavior of being truly self-reflective they can begin to do the work together. They can learn to grow their capacity for self-awareness and make the changes in themselves when encountering old and outmoded fear-based behaviors. We are often unaware of these behaviors in ourselves and may refer to them as blind spots.
If our partner tells us about certain behaviors they are encountering in the relationship, instead of becoming protective of the behavior, denying or justifying, we could choose to become willing listeners. By being open to what we are not seeing about ourselves, we will gain greater insight into our inner child and begin to think about it in a new way. This is the act of self-reflection and the road to change; the reclaiming of your true self. Because the fact is, it is often the truth and we are in self-denial about the behavior and have a justification for why we are doing it. Here is where we do the work together. By being willing to let our partner in so they can tell us what they see and what it is like to engage with us, this gives us the power to change. It will take great trust and a lot of emotional energy to let each other into our well-guarded blind spots but that work can heal our wounds.
It is transformative work because by working together towards a common goal, they elevate the playing field their relationship is being lived out on. It takes both people doing the vulnerable work as well as both of them facilitating the work. One of the great benefits of this is that the wounds that we each bring to the relationship scar each other and as one heals by changing a behavior, the other also heals. Because you see, in our intimate relationships often the teeth match the wound. This is one of the dynamics that attracts us to each other.
If you are both committed to self-work, together you can move mountains.